I think that I realized tonight the differnce between the physical and the real. I feel as though I've been in and out of consciouness lately. Like, I'm awake most of the time, but rarely do I have REAL moments in which I recognize the reality of life.
Not all things are lasting. I was recently told that unless you write it down, whatever it was may was well have not happened. that is at once a terrifying and a relife. I can't decide if 'relife' is spelled right, I don't think it is.
My recognition happened thusly:
I was having an average day in which I can't quite recall what happened. Then, all of a sudden, I had a glimpse of what really was. I was at a bbq at Stana's house. Then, I was all at once aware, like really awake to what was happening. I was with the ones I love almost the most and I was really, really with them. I could tell that in a hundred blessed years, this moment would be one that I would talk about. And not in a 'this is completely awesome' way. Nothing particularly interesting was happening, I was just AWARE in this moment that this was a memory. These people were my people. This was my story and my loves were my characters. And much more intersting than any I could ever create.
It almost shames me that the only other moments I've had like that were when I was stoned off my ass.
It's not a secret.
And right now, I'm having one of those moments.
And they're infinetely more real and intersting when they aren't the fault of substance, but rather, the result of life itself.
