Bowne

I've got this problem, see.
I can't sleep. I can't sleep. I can't sleep.
Everything you've heard about it is true. When I can't sleep, I think too much. But not in an aware, cognitive sort of way. More like a stream of consiousness.
More like this.
I also am having trouble typing because one of my fingernails broke off today and it's grossing me out to hit the keys with that finger. It's the middle of my right hand, so kind of important.
In the scheme of things. You know, the grand one.
I feel like I've been making progress, but I'm so unsure of most things. Like, it doesn't take much to make me doubt a lot of things. For example:
I'm out of town and out of touch and because of those two seperations, I feel like an unanswered text means so much more than 'I'm a boy and I'm playing video games with other boys' In my restless head it translates closer to something like "I'm a boy and I hate you. You shouldn't have done that thing you did."

Problem:

I don't know what I could have done. I mean, I've given all of you ample opportunity (and excuse) to head for the hills. I don't know why you would now. But, but, but, I'm insecure and emotionally retarded so to me everything means something when, in reality, it all means nothing.

But then, saying that sort of downplays your own emotional abilities, which I know are not that stunted.

What I'm saying is "Am I wrong? Have I done something wrong?"

I know it's an old, annoying question. And things may have gotten to the point where my breathing irritates you, so pointless questions are probably not going to help. But, but, but, that's why I'm writing this here, and not on your phone. Why I'm keeping my paranoia to myself and not putting it on your mind.

Thanks for playing.