All these things

You were my King and I was your fool, riding home after school.

I wish I could finish that statement and not be stealing. Stealing from one of the greatest American Poets of our time. Of ever.

If ever you were wondering what to get me, if you were interested in buying me a gift, get me something Morrison. Something The Doors. He's fantastic. He was, the remaining members still are. I think, honestly, and i hate to be this sort of fan because i know what it's like to be alienated from the group, but really Jimmy dear was fantastic. Not to say that the other musicians were not talented, they are, but Jim made it happen. That sucks for the rest. I love Jim.

Every time I went to type 'jim' just then, i ended up typing 'him', what's that say? I don't know. I think I'm giving up on punctuation for now, i just cant handle it. grammer either. who know, maybe spelling is next to go, it's possible. it's likely.

I'm in my living room in my jammies (jammys?) listening to The Doors and having a drink. Who am i? Those in my day to day can guess. I'm not a copier, we just have similar taste. Mine is better.

hahhhahahha.

this is great. I think it's at this point i issue an apology to my sister and my body.

I tried to quit smoking, i did. it didn't take. whoops. I'll try again. right in time for those goosd old new years resolutions. Resolutions is a funny word, it can mean a lot of things.

It bothers me that a lot of people don't know that 'a lot' is two seperate words. I remember it from my 7th grade english teacher, i dont recall her name, but i know i was the last class she taught, she retired after that. we had a discussion in which she tried to get me to admit i thought she smelled bad, and then she yelled to the class that if she never taught us anything she at least wanted it to stick that 'a lot' was two words and not one. she was crazy, but it bothers me to this day when people type alot. it's almost as bad as addicting. NOT A WORD, PEOPLE. geeze

i am the l.a. woman and i am the twentieth century fox. also maggie macgill.

all of the above.
remixes are good.

Bowne

I've got this problem, see.
I can't sleep. I can't sleep. I can't sleep.
Everything you've heard about it is true. When I can't sleep, I think too much. But not in an aware, cognitive sort of way. More like a stream of consiousness.
More like this.
I also am having trouble typing because one of my fingernails broke off today and it's grossing me out to hit the keys with that finger. It's the middle of my right hand, so kind of important.
In the scheme of things. You know, the grand one.
I feel like I've been making progress, but I'm so unsure of most things. Like, it doesn't take much to make me doubt a lot of things. For example:
I'm out of town and out of touch and because of those two seperations, I feel like an unanswered text means so much more than 'I'm a boy and I'm playing video games with other boys' In my restless head it translates closer to something like "I'm a boy and I hate you. You shouldn't have done that thing you did."

Problem:

I don't know what I could have done. I mean, I've given all of you ample opportunity (and excuse) to head for the hills. I don't know why you would now. But, but, but, I'm insecure and emotionally retarded so to me everything means something when, in reality, it all means nothing.

But then, saying that sort of downplays your own emotional abilities, which I know are not that stunted.

What I'm saying is "Am I wrong? Have I done something wrong?"

I know it's an old, annoying question. And things may have gotten to the point where my breathing irritates you, so pointless questions are probably not going to help. But, but, but, that's why I'm writing this here, and not on your phone. Why I'm keeping my paranoia to myself and not putting it on your mind.

Thanks for playing.

i am obi wan

I cannot explain what it is that I feel. The only way I can tell you how I feel is, and God this is silly, but, and I only say it this way because it's a cultural refrence that I think will make sense to you. So, yeah, I felt a disturbance in the force. Oh man, that's ridiculous. And now, I mean, this doesn't mean in my own deranged mind. This isn't something that's changed in me. I feel this change outside of myself. Like, look, I woke up and, I'd only been sleeping for a few hours. 3. 4, maybe. And it wasn't a dream that woke me, it was a feeling. Something changed and I woke up, startled, just sat up and couldn't sleep again for a long time. This change was something, something physical. It wasn't a mental thing, not a thought, not an emotion. It was something real. Something has happened to someone. I don't know what, or to who. It felt, masculine, somehow. It happened to a male. I don't know who. Father, brother, one of you. Something changed with someone. You, Ferranto, Landon. I don't know. It's bizarre and I don't like it, but there it is.