dialogue

Have you seen the accident outside? 7 people took a ride, 6 bachelors and their bride.
Are you lovedrunk on jim again?
Again
Try this one, 'the moths and atheists are doubly divine and dying. we live, we die, and death not ends it..' Where are you? He was a great man. Dance it off, you'll be alright.
Love it... I need to buy his books. Lol, sorry if I'm keeping you up.
It's okay baby, we know how well I sleep. I got one today...be jealous
What's one? Damn I would be going crazy in my bed if andy wasn't sleeps.
Oh you crack me up, American Dreams. Why'd you get so drunk?
BC that's when I really enjoy, when I really can see him
I want to experience this with you sometime. I want to see what you do.
Once I had a little game, I like to crawl back in my brain, I think you know the game I mean, I mean the game, called go insane.
You want ecstasy, desire, and dreams. Things are not exactly what they seem. You're too young to be old. You don't need to be told. You want to see things as they are. You know exactly what I do. Everything
Run with me, run with me
Let's recreate the world. the palace of conception is burning for it, for you, Look, see it burn. Bask in the warm hot coals
Why the obsessed? Why am i?
I don't know why you are. Old memories for me, and aspirations. I love words too much not to love his. The pictures, the stories he makes. Everything visceral and sexaul and alive.
Yes
Yes to all of my reasons? Well, I'm glad to share them.
I just have a part of me that wants to drop everything and follow, shit this sounds so dumb. sorry.
Not dumb, impulsive. Follow what?
Idk, I'm just in love, sometimes, most times I feel like that all I need is this, jim, and everything else is whatever.
In love with Jim? All you need is love, as the saying goes. I just need that and ink, nothing else is real....who do you love enough to follow?
Lol you can have it. I know I'm just being stupid. But drunk Landon wants him,n wants to understandm wants to be brave enough.
Drunk Landon says much more than the sober one, so what have you got to be brave for?
Everyone looks for someone to look up to, but I never have, but I guess its my time.
We all need heros. Go back to sleep. 'Slip into unconsiousness...'

I can now not stand to be in silence. The things I once so admired about myself are slipping, shed like lizard's skin. I am still content to be alone, but my mind gives way to lonliness far more often than I like to accept. My words and thoughts, fragments of malcontentedness are spread over so many notebooks, applications and scraps of paper it is getting harder for even me to keep track of them. My calendar still reads August and directions to someone's house (I forget whose) are still written on my mirror. Though they cover my face in the mornings, I haven't got the strength to erase them. I seem to have a standing date with failure. I don't know why. I hate this 'disease' this modern 'disorder' I hate the weakness it breeds in me. I want nothing more than to sleep, and yet am terrified to do so. The nightmares are back. Wicked and bloody and too bold. They tell me too much of what I already know, unspoken fears manifest themselves in my grey cells. I wake with sweaty hands and a bloody mouth. I feel sick all of the time, guilt over God knows what. Surely I've committed no such sins as in my sleep. Thus, concious does make cowards of us all... I'm sick to my stomach over what I have not done, what I should not have said, and what I did not say. I don't know the answers to all these silly questions. I plague myself. I cannot be alone and yet I want the company of none.

I'd hate to forget

It went basically like the few rough drafts below. "I can keep doing this, I can do anything, but I won't. I don't want to anymore, which is what makes this time different." I said most of what I wrote below. "I don't know why you keep coming back to it..." It isn't any of those things, sometimes I just miss it, miss you. I'm still not saying no, but be sure the next time you ask, you know why I'm here. I know, I haven't been fair, I'm sorry. Watching you struggle thru all of this, it's hard, we're here for you.
All in all a success. We'll see how long it lasts.