Reasons I am tired

I am tired being 'there for you' when you aren't for me. I am exhausted by your inability (or refusal) to return my investment. I spend so much of my time worrying about you, about whether or not this is worth the pain only I seem to suffer. Yes, this is presumptous, yes, this is selfish. I know, and I'm sorry.
But I'm tired of having to apologize everytime I have a reaction. I'm so tired of feeling wrong. This doesn't matter to you. I hate being the only one who has to fight. Fight for whatever it is we're clinging to. Moderating the fight between my mind and my heart. Yes, this is dramatic. I know that too. But really, at worst this stresses you out. Poor thing. I sympathize but I feel like I'm holding you back from what you want to be, who you want to be with and that's not fair, but more to my concern, I'm holding myself back too. Not from some great mythical joy, but from feeling anything other than hurt. Or anger. I don't want to do this anymore and I wont. I hate having to sacrafice my friendship with you, or the others, but I cannot, will not, continue this. I don't have the strength. And I don't know where to find more. It doesn't seem to matter to you, to affect you at all, and here I am, beating myself up over it all. I'm tired of being the one to blame. I don't know if your silence is cruel or kind. You will let me walk away and it won't hurt you at all. In fact, it's probably somewhat of a relief. It must be. That's the story.