Look, can I just be totally honest with you? I swear that this isn't the same talk we've had a thousand times, it may seem that way, but hear me out, this one, this one is unique. You are one my best friends and as such, time with you is one of the things in my increasingly dreary life that makes me happy. But that goes for all the boys. Whatever happened, happened a long time ago and I'm not, like, waiting around for you to fall in love with me or something. The only reason that things went the way they did was because I was afraid of losing you. Of losing this friendship we've tried to hard to salvage. And yeah, sure I'm still afraid of losing that, of course I am, but the longer I stay here, in whatever limbo this is, the more I lose my mind. And friend, I love you, but I love me more and I gotta find someway to be sane again. I'm coming at life with all this baggae and excess and dark shit and I don't wanna do it anymore. I'm not even talking about the physical slipups we keep having, the mistakes there. I mean, I know why I keep letting that happen, why I keep encouraging that. You're not stupid, you know. But, I can't figure out what keeps you here. I don't know if you're bored, or lonely, if you just wanna feel like a man, or what. But you treat me like a convience. Like, when you need a warm body, for whatever your reason is, I know you don't want me, but I've told you a thousand times I'd never tell you no. I don't know why you keep coming back to it, and frankly, if it's any of those reasons, I don't wanna know. I could be wrong, hope I am, but unless you correct me, I'll assume I'm not.
So, I gotta go, I can't keep doing this to myself, keep humiliating myself for you. You'll ask me to leave eventually so it might as well be on my own terms.
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